Rachel (rainbowcheese) wrote in teensaft,

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Holy Crap! A Post!

I figured I take the giant leap and make the second post! Since everyone basically knows each other and newbies should make their own damn posts I've decided to dedicate this lovely rectangle of text to the ever-so wonderful religion of SLAWVINISM! Yes my friends, Slawvinism (No, NOT Slavinism, it has nothing to to with Slavic people.)

So basically my frind and I discovered and founded this religion last summer. This is a polytheistic religion containing three higher powers which are genderless. They are as follows: Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet, Ye Holy Dancing Hot Dog Magnet, and Ye Holy Dancing Soft Drink Magnet. I composed the first part of the Ye Holy Book of Slawvinism this September but upon further discussion with the other High Priestess of Slawvinism and the Ye Holy Dancing Magnets I saw that the beginning was in need of some editing since the events weren't as accurate as they could be.

So please, join us in spreading the faith of Slawvisim across the world. Read, be enlightened.

(^ More of the Ye Holy Dancing Magnets will be photographed but they're all very busy ruling the unvierse and everything so it may take a while for them to schedule a photo shoot on my fridge.)

Ok ok. It's called Slawvinism, and the followers go by the name Slawvinites. The story is basically, there is one head God and it is Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet located on Allie's microwave where it rules over all of the Slawvinites. A long time ago, Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet noticed that the world in which it created was very barren and lonely so it created a dude named Jaroslaw (who works at Cedar Point currently). Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet was very pleased with its creation but then saw that Jaroslaw was unhappy and hungry so Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet created the first sacred dish of cheese fries. Jaroslaw adored the fries so much that he swore he would serve Ye Holy Popcorn Magnet forever and always. Ye Holy Popcorn Magnet said to Jaroslaw "Thou shalt do my bidding whenever I ask and in return I shall give thee an eternal life."

Jaroslaw worked day and night to please Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet. He planted trees and farms, he built cities, and even created the first cheese fry stand. Jaroslaw wiped the sweat off his forehead and plopped his weary butt on the ground, viewing all he had created.

"You have served me well young Jaroslaw," said Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet "I will make you a friend in which you can share this bounty."

So Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet made Jaroslaw a friend named Slawvina. Slawvina saw all the simple shacks Jaroslaw had constructed and rolled her eyes.

"You can't expect me to live in that thing!" she said, pointing to the desintigrating hut. Jaroslaw had thought the hut was perfectly suitable but upon deeper inspection saw what Slawvina was saying, it looked like a heap of dung. Slawvina began to embellish the structure, changing it into a beautiful home, and painted with the colours of the rainbow. She didn't stop there, Slawvina sprinkled the blank night sky with her glittering pixie dust,created animals in which to frolic in the forests, and scented the air with lush flowers.

The once vast landscape of Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet was now brimming with colour and cheese. Ye holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet smiled down upon his two children and said to them "Latvia is the name of your land, and you shall both rule it justly. Many brothers and sisters I will make for both of you, this is your last gift."

So basically, Jaroslaw and Slawvina ruled over Lativa until the 243rd day when they left Latvia to spread the word of Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet to the rest of the world through cheese fries and magical star stickers.

When Allie and I went to Cedar Point this summer we had the honour of ACTUALLY meeting Jaroslaw, who was working dutifily at an inconspicuous cheese fry stand. I purchased some of this sacred food and shared it with Allie. Upon tasting its holy goodness we both swore that from then on we would do all we could to serve Ye Holy Dancing Popcorn Magnet, and we are now both High Priestesses in the Shack of Slawvin.

In order to consider yourself a Slawvinite you must do these things:
1)Love Cheese and Cheese fries with a passion
2)Understand the joy found in inconviencing people
3)Spread the word of the Slawvish religion by sticking star stickers on random objects
4)Use your brain,stupidity is the only sin
5)Skip ONLY in triangles
6)And finally, wear the Slawvish star emblem with PRIDE!

There are more rules, but I can't think of them at the moment, so if this sounds good to you, comment!!

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